


The Sweetest Embrace

by ImperfectOrphanage



Category: Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-04 01:24:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10263998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImperfectOrphanage/pseuds/ImperfectOrphanage
Summary: "Do you know, Neku, the reason why I wanted you to shoot me?"---Warnings: Suicide mention, a bit of graphic ickiness.





	

Neku found Joshua in the park at sundown.

He was sitting on a swing rocking forward and backward as slow as possible. The swing squeaked with each movement and Joshua’s feet dragged through the dirt. His gaze was directed to nowhere, and his attention seemed to be caught on immaterial things.

“Hey,” Neku called to him.

The only response was Joshua’s shoes digging into the dirt to force him to a stop. He continued to stare off into the distance.

“So,” Neku began, taking the swing to Joshua’s right, “what’er you doing out here?”

Joshua started to swing again.

Squeak…squeak…Squeak…squeak.

“Josh-“

“Do you know, Neku, the reason I wanted you to shoot me?”

It actually startled Neku when he heard Joshua’s voice. The air was quiet save for the noise of traffic in the background. There were no children in the park and people were hurrying home to make and eat dinner before spending precious time with their families.

Neku swung once. “No. Not really. I mean, I know you didn’t like the way Shibuya was going.”

Squeak…squeak…Squeak…squeak.

“Hey, if you need to talk-“

“No.”

He went quiet for two slow swings. “Uh, okay. I mean, I’m here if-“

Joshua turned his head incredibly slow and the action made Neku feel a bit frightened.

“Uh…so…”

“No. I didn’t like the way Shibuya was going. However,” he swung wider, “that is not the reason I wanted you to shoot me.”

Neku watched him swing forward and backwards for several minutes. Eventually, Neku joined in, swinging alongside Joshua in the opposite direction. When Joshua went forward, Neku went back. When Neku went forward, Joshua went back. The pace remained the same until Joshua suddenly dug his feet into the dirt and froze.

Slowly stopping, Neku scrapped his feet against the pit of dirt dug from many shoes. The squeaking had ceased and the city went quiet-once again, save for the noise of traffic.

“Why?” Neku finally asked.

Joshua tilted his gaze to the sky. “I cannot see the stars, Neku. It doesn’t matter what time of year or what hour of the day it is, I will never see the stars. I could climb to the tallest building in Shibuya and still the stars will not shine for me. Do you know what it feels like, to never see such beauty?”

“Uh…Josh…no offense but…you’re kinda weirding me out.”

A smile spread across Joshua’s face and yet his eyes did not match the action. He continued to stare up at the darkness beyond millions of lights.

Finally he brought his gaze back to the ground.

He swung once. _Squeak._

He swung twice. _Squeak._

He swung a third time and came to a stop.

“Neku, forgive me.”

The glint of a gun in Joshua’s lap made Neku leap backward from the swing. His foot tangled in the chain and he fought to twist it from his ankle before scrambling over the dirt. It wasn’t until he was at the climbing bars and teeter totters did he notice the gun wasn’t aimed at him.

Joshua turned, ever so slowly, in the swing. The chains wrapped around each other. Joshua’s visage was in shadow, but his eyes were glowing.

Light reflected off the barrel of the gun as Joshua threw his head back and pointed the gun at the curve of his throat. He pulled the trigger, the shot rang out in echo through the park, and Joshua’s blood sprayed the swing set and the ground several feet beyond.

It was too unreal. Neku’s brain denied it had happened even as he watched Joshua crumple to the ground in a twitching pile. He crawled over to Joshua, hands hesitating, and as soon as his fingers touched Joshua’s pale skin, the body disintegrated.

Neku would have liked to remember the body fluttering away like so many butterflies, but it wasn’t beautiful or delicate.

The body decayed in steps. First, the skin fell off. Second, the eyes sunk into the skull and the muscles turned black as they melted into soup. Third, the bones clinked together and flew into the wind in a hazy white dust. Fourth, there was only blood. It seeped into the ground and nothing remained.

Shibuya stopped. It was a fraction of a second, nearly impossible to measure, and between one tick of the clock and the next, Neku heard a gasp behind him.

He whirled around. It was impossible.

At least, his brain told him it was impossible but his eyes knew better.

Joshua stood in front of him, naked to the world, with flawless skin and a bullet between his teeth. Opening his hand, Joshua spat the bullet into his palm and turned his hand over to let the bullet drop. His nakedness didn’t appear to bother him as he put his hands on his hips and sighed.

“What the Hell,” Neku ground out. His legs were too shaky to stand on. All he could do was sit and wait for an answer that might never come. If it did, it would be completely confusing and Neku would be left questioning his sanity and wanting to punch Joshua in the dick.

Speaking of which, Neku noticed it.

“Put some damn clothes on.”

Joshua ignored the comment. “Do you understand, Neku? Do you understand why I needed you to shoot me, my dear proxy?”

“No,” Neku finally had the strength to stand so long as he leaned against the swing set for support, “you don’t make any fucking sense.”

“Do I need to shoot myself again?” Joshua flicked his hand through the air and the gun casually hung from his first two fingers. “I hope not. It does hurt.”

Neku slapped the gun from Joshua’s hand. It clattered to the ground and tumbled down a lump in the dirt before hitting the fence. Joshua had watched it, Neku had not.

“Spoil sport.”

“Josh, for once, can’t you be transparent? Not everyone thinks on the level you do.”

He tucked his hair behind his ear. “Oh, yes, I remember how thick you are. Neku, do give the problem some thought. The answer is easier than you think.”

Neku closed his eyes. He inhaled, exhaled, and opened his eyes up.

_“Do you know, Neku, the reason why I wanted you to shoot me?”_

The world went on around them. Neku could hear cars and people. He could hear music and laughter and a thousand sounds of life. In the brief moment of time Joshua had been dead the world had stopped and the city had gone quiet. The second Joshua gasped for breath, Shibuya rang with life once more and the connection was made.

“You…you are Shibuya…?”

Joshua nodded slowly. He was still naked.

“So,” Neku avoided eye contact, “you can’t kill yourself. Wait. You wanted me to murder you because you can’t off yourself? You wanted me to have your blood on my hands?”

“I wanted to die. It would not have been murder, Neku, dear.” He smiled, but it faded quickly as he closed the distance between them. His hands cupped Neku’s face and he forced their gazes to meet. “You can still do me the favor. No judgment will fall upon you. Neku. I see so much potential in you. You have the potential to change Shibuya. I once had such potential. Now, I have nothing.”

Neku frowned. He stared into Joshua’s usually playful expression, and saw nothing but pain masked with indifference. Without thinking, Neku glanced toward the gun and back to Joshua.

“You want to do it,” Joshua said, “and I won’t stop you.”

“No, I’m not doing it.”

Joshua closed his eyes. “Please, Neku. I don’t want it to be like this.”

“Be like what?”

His eyes flew open. The color was no longer a vibrant purple.

It was white. The iris, the pupil, the…everything…was white.

“You want to do it, Neku.”

Neku twitched. _No. Not like this._

“Get the gun,” Joshua ordered.

The imprinting wove through Neku’s skin like a brand. He whimpered as his body moved of its own accord toward the gun. He fought it. He fought it until his head hurt and his eyes ran with pained tears. Neku fought the imprinting even as he picked the gun up in both of his hands. It was cold and heavy.

Joshua smiled. “There’s a good boy.”

His hands encircled the gun and Neku shook his head as his arms rose to point it at Joshua’s face. “Don’t make me do this!”

“I want you to be the one. I want you to be Composer.”

Neku grit his teeth hard enough to hurt and he shook violently as he tried not to pull the trigger.

“It’s alright,” Joshua whispered, eyes still white. He put his forehead against the gun and closed his eyes as he spoke. “Do it, Neku Sakuraba.”

The connection broke.

The gun fell between them.

Neku followed soon after, clutching his head and screaming in frustration.

It didn’t go off. Thank the Lord thy God it didn’t go off.

“Why?”

The question was soft. Neku almost missed it between the honking of horns and shouting of people.

A droplet of water fell onto the dirt in front of Neku. Soon, another droplet hit and another. It would have been confused for rain except there were so few drops in too central of a location. Neku looked up into Joshua’s pained expression.

His hands were clenched and his and face was scrunched up. “Why? Why can’t I die? Shibuya, _please_ ,“ he begged, “let me go, _please_.”

It was heartbreaking. Neku felt his heart fall to the bottom of his stomach and he wanted to comfort Joshua but nothing he said would help. He watched. He watched as Joshua sobbed and cried, and he watched as the once sarcastic and proud Composer fell to his hands and knees. The sobs turned into full on wails of anguish and the only time Neku had ever heard another person in such pain was when his father lost his mother to cancer several years back.

Joshua’s soul was breaking.

No, it was _broken_.

“Hey,” Neku tried to sound brave. He wanted to sound strong and comforting, but his voice was strained and frightened. His fingers curled around Joshua’s bare shoulders and the boy sucked in a breath before continuing to cry.

Joshua cried until he began to heave, and he continued until the meager contents of his stomach was emptied out onto the dirt. He didn’t stop until a putrid fluid dripped from between his lips. His arms trembled and finally gave out, and it took all Neku had to keep him upright.

He dragged Joshua away from the puddle of tears and sick. Neku took care not to hurt him as he pulled him to the climbing dome and sat him against the wall. It was a tense moment. Neku wanted to speak but Joshua had fallen silent and he didn’t want to cause another crying fit.

Hiccupping a sob, Joshua rubbed at his face with dirty hands. “Why?”

“She,” Neku swallowed, nervous. “Shibuya must see something in you that you don’t. You saw stuff in me that I didn’t see. You see it in my friends and in the people of Shibuya. You still see it, don’t you? There’s potential all over the place and I know there’s potential in you.”

Joshua said nothing. He bit his trembling lip and shuddered. His arms rose in jerky movements and they hovered over Neku’s shoulders as if he didn’t understand how to do what he was attempting.

It was a hug. He was trying to initiate a hug.

The thought made Neku smile and he adjusted Joshua’s arms around him. “Like that.”

“Like this?” Joshua’s arms curled around Neku’s neck and he leaned forward into the embrace. “Am I doing it right?”

“Yeah, just…relax a bit more.”

The arms rested on Neku’s shoulders and Joshua’s cheek tentatively pressed to Neku’s. He was still shaking horribly, and he smelled like blood, dirt, and vomit.

Neku ignored it. He scooted closer to Joshua and held him in kind, only with a bit more experience. “Hey, it’s okay to be weak sometimes. It’s like…being a baby.”

“A baby?” Joshua sniffled. “I am not an infant.”

“No, I mean,” Neku squeezed tighter, “a baby sees everything from the lowest sight range. We see things at a completely different angle. Sometimes you have to get down and see things as simply as possible before crawling back up. Josh, if you’re upset, I want you to tell me. I’m your friend. I’m not going to shoot you and all the imprinting in the world isn’t going to change that.”

“Yes, about that,” Joshua said, putting a little room between them. “How did it not affect you? The imprinting I use is at such a high level even Conductors cannot withstand it. And yet…you were far stronger.”

Neku laughed. “Maybe you underestimated my awesomeness.”

“I doubt that,” he said far too quickly. “Oh, Neku, you must have a horrible opinion of me.”

“Yeah, but this whole thing had nothing to do with that. I didn’t like you before.”

Joshua snorted. “Very funny, Neku.”

“I’m serious, Josh.” Neku moved to sit beside him, back to the climbing dome. He put his hand in Joshua’s and allowed his friend to curl their fingers together. “The Game was hard on me. I didn’t realize it was harder on you. I’m sorry. I should have seen it.”

“It isn’t your responsibility.”

“Yeah, it is.” He turned to look at Joshua. “You’re my friend.”

Joshua smiled. It was a genuine smile without any of the teasing, sarcastic attitude Joshua usually spun into his amusement. He closed his eyes. “I’m dirty.”

“You’re naked, too. Nice to know you’re a real boy though.”

“What do you mean?” Joshua still had his eyes closed. “Of course I’m a real boy. Aren’t you?”

“I would like to think I am. I mean, yeah. I am,” he said. “Do you…want to go home?”

“Home,” Joshua whispered, finally opening his eyes. “Is there such a place?”

Neku stood up, dusted off his pants, and held his hand out. “C’mon. You can get cleaned up at my apartment and I’ll even let you wear my pajamas.”

“Are you sure?” Joshua took the hand and rose. “You aren’t upset?”

“Josh, you put me through so much more than imprinting during the Game. I’m fine. I might put your hand in a glass of warm water while you’re asleep but I’m cool.”

“Oh?” Joshua put his free hand on Neku’s shoulder. The last thing the park heard before they disappeared in a column of light was, “what would that do?”


End file.
